Suppose your manager asks you to build a ship. How does he/she approach that? Does he/she give you the task by instilling in you the desire for the sea or does he/she provide you with a pile of planks, a drawing and detailed instructions?
Is your manager the one who delivers you a construction kit? Then there is a real chance that he/she will ask you, with clock-like regularity, if it is going well and if it is already finished? He/she likes to stick to predetermined checklists and gives little room for your creative input. Your manager's priority is to deliver a quality product, within the predetermined deadline, and for this he/she likes to check that everyone is present and working hard.
No matter how noble your manager's intentions are, you are going nuts with his/her management style.
You feel frustration, you no longer feel trust, your potential is underutilized, you feel hunted and anxious. Your motivation and commitment ebb away and your tension and stress symptoms gain ground.
A disruptive style of leadership: control and fear
"If you want control, all you have to do is instill fear in the other person
- Paulo Coelho from "The Devil and the Maiden" A controlling manager - often unconsciously - does not create a safe, understanding environment which has a serious impact on your wellbeing. In the absence of a sense of safety, we experience stress and our brain switches to our instinctive fight-flight mode. Our reflective or work ability is put on pause, we maintain less focus, we experience more difficulty in learning new skills, our sense of recognition plummets, we become paralyzed by the pressure and still experience little job satisfaction. In stressful situations, we either go into a heightened "do" mode (action) or we become very chaotic and/or fanatical where our "internal critic" gets the upper hand which hypothesizes our energy balance.
Drives and positive intent of your manager
Our values, norms and beliefs are unique. They determine our way of thinking, our drives and our behavior so also that of your manager. However unpleasant and controlling you perceive your manager's leadership style to be, yet there is a positive intention why he/she states this behavior. For example, your manager may have a system of thought in which he/she makes a clear distinction between right and wrong, or he/she is very task- and performance-oriented, or he/she does not want to disappoint his/her own management, or he/she is a perfectionist, or he/she is fearful of failure, or he/she simply has little understanding of effective leadership and delegation, or ....
Change starts with yourself
Manage your manager. Learn to respond to your boss's expectations with the 7 tips below:
- Create a "selfie": get in touch with yourself and discover your own strengths, developmental points and pitfalls.
- Stop thinking like an elephant: ask through, reformulate and establish clear and transparent agreements, be open to feedback.
- Embrace your learning pit: be aware of your steps in your learning process and get what you need in direction and or support.
- Know your sources of power: positional power is not the only power that works, make your manager aware of your expert, task or relationship power.
- Be proactive in life: say what you want, have integrity and consistency in your behavior, give positive constructive feedback and build trust.
- Start with the end in mind: make clear plans, be as specific as possible.
- Set priorities, important things first: focus on the right things and limit the number of options.
Convinced that you can make a difference in your manager's controlling leadership style? Would you like to get started with this in career coaching? Be sure to request a free telephone introductory consultation with one of our Travvant career coaches.
Sources :
- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry : The little prince
- Paulo Coelho : The devil and the girl