[vc_col“Pfffff, ik heb het toch zo druk de laatste tijd. Ik hol mezelf helemaal achterna. Ik begin dingen te vergeten, slaap slecht, ik voel me opgejaagd en als ik dan eens thuis ben, dan heb ik een kort lontje, ben ik bitsig of val ik in slaap….… Allez, ik klaag niet hé. Echt, ik hou ontzettend van mijn job. Eerlijk waar. Ik heb eindelijk mijn passie gevonden en het begint nu ook nog eens wat te draaien. Nu alleen nog die work-life balans vinden…. Ni gemakkelijk.”
Work-life Balance. What a strange word that is, really?
Sometimes it can be laughed at. It's as if "work" and "life" are two opposites that need to be brought into harmony. As if "work" is not part of "life."
Do you live to work? Or do you work to live?
Just recently there was an article in the newspaper that Belgians are increasingly living from vacation to vacation. Vacation then stands for Living, versus working. Hmmm... Confucius once said "Give me a job that suits me and I won't have to work another day." So in that case, working becomes a part of life. So it is possible after all. Thank goodness.
But following your passion can also involve risks.
You can get swept away by it, lose sight of anything else, completely absorbed, what do I say... obsessed....and dead tired.
Lap, the balance tips to one side again. A passionate workaholic does remain a workaholic.
So it's really mostly about balance. Balance, equilibrium ... a great concept and very meaningful too.
Only, I feel, the pursuit of it often guarantees disillusionment. After all, life is by definition out of balance....
There may be rare moments when the scales balance on the center for a moment, but very soon they tilt back to one side or the other. And there is nothing wrong with that in itself. It is the natural waves of our existence that push us back up and then bring us back down a bit. That's a law of nature. A mirror-smooth sea ... that is a rare thing after all, and say it yourself, when it takes too long we automatically become afraid of routine, dullness and drudgery.... And we often change something ourselves to tip the balance. Recognizable?
Striving for balance, then, is something like walking toward a Fata Morgana.
You probably never reach your goal and when you think you're almost there, it dissolves right before your eyes.... Struggling frenetically to achieve balance is not only exhausting, it also creates stress and a lot of frustration.
Ok, so much for the not so good news.
Given that we are actually "out of balance" most of the time, that that is part of life is already one step toward more peace of mind.
More Life in Work-Life Balance. But how do you make sure that at times when the scales tip too sharply to one side or the meter is in the red for too long that you can show enough resilience to deal with it?
Seven skills that can come in handy for learning to surf the waves of life.
- Let go of striving for balance. Accept that life consists of cycles and that balance is a temporary thing. Cherish it when it is present but don't attach yourself too hard. Letting go of the idea that you don't have to be in balance can be very liberating. After all, striving for something shyly unattainable can take an awful lot of energy. Energy you can better use to brace yourself to handle the busier, more unbalanced periods.
- Dare to be vulnerable and learn to ask for and receive help. When you are too busy, when you feel of yourself that you are passing yourself and your life by, when you find that the laughter is starting to get to you a little bit.... Then ask for help. It's really not as hard as you think. Admitting that you can't do it alone makes you human, and that's beautiful. Moreover, you give the Helper the nice feeling that he/she can mean something to you. The Giver can feel useful and strong, a rock in your surf and that in itself is a wonderful gift.
- Breathe. Probably the most important advice of all. Take care of your breathing. Breathe consciously. Several times a day, try to take a 1-minute breather where you do nothing but sit and consciously follow your breathing. Breathing is the fastest way to get into the here-and-now. And in the Now, there is always balance.
- Learn to say "no" and set boundaries. You really don't have to please everyone, you really don't have to attend every party and take up every request or offer. Learn that it is not so bad to miss something. Learn that saying "no" is a basic right. You don't even have to explain yourself. Life is all about choices. Make constructive choices that benefit your health and peace of mind when you feel out of balance and your energy is low. An evening at home enjoying your family and falling asleep in front of the tube in the arms of a loved one can do wonders.
- Watch over your self-care and enjoy small things. Being out of balance, stressed, too busy (even if you enjoy it and don't complain) is one thing, but not a reason not to take care of yourself. Enjoy little moments at work, on the way to work, ... Look around them and consciously look for things that make you smile. A rainbow, funny cats, a beautiful woman, consciously enjoy a delicious cup of coffee, a spontaneous conversation, the smile of a stranger passing by. Find the "vacation" in your daily grind. Or take a nice long bath. Allow yourself that luxury of lying in warm water for 30 minutes and putting the knob on 'pause' for a very short time.
- Have a clear, realistic goal and be content with baby steps. Sometimes life resembles the Procession of Echternach. 'Makkedam, makkedam, brick road, brick road ...' we used to sing.... 2 steps forward, one backward.... the sum still makes 1 step forward in the right direction. Stay positive and celebrate small successes. Slow succeeds too and the prizes give them at the meet. You still win, just less than you would like. Singing helps.
- Reward yourself when you have once again survived a tsunami. If you were able to keep your cool once again during a busy period when you almost went under or were in danger of being overwhelmed, you deserve a reward. Look back on it and be proud of yourself and what you accomplished. Enjoy the temporary calm and balance you experience, before things start itching again....