Corona times. Self-evident facts and structures fall away or are questioned. Chaos and confusion rule and allow many things to surface in people's unconscious: fears, patterns, resistances, thoughts and feelings about themselves or others. It takes a lot of courage to face these vulnerabilities.
When some perfectionist traits were already germinating in people in "precorona" times, the corona crisis is the most fertile ground for these traits to grow and flourish. While the positive sides of perfectionism such as planning, organizing, bringing structure, setting goals, provide a fleeting sense of comfort because they seem to keep the situation under control, there is - for those who dare to be honest with themselves - also a shadow side such as:
- Sharp self-criticism and doubts about yourself: am I doing enough? Am I doing well enough?
- Worrying thoughts about, e.g., how you are going to get everything done
- Overconcerns about the health of yourself and loved ones
- Crossing the limits of your body and mind when, e.g., as a parent, you have to combine work childcare and teaching
- Setting yourself unrealistic goals and then being too strict with them by, e.g., as a parent, also expecting your house to be in perfect order.
- Not knowing what you yourself need right now: instead of going to feel what you yourself need, consume advice about what you might need. Valuing this advice more than your own wisdom
These things cause you to cramp up and experience tension, stress and pressure. That has the risk of lowering your immunity, and that, of course, is just not what we can use these times.
Tips to better cope with perfectionism
So how do you handle this? I'd like to give you some tips:
- Acknowledge your feelings and give them space. If you try to ignore or push away these feelings, they will often show themselves in the future at the most inappropriate moments. When you give them enough space by talking about them, for example, they will disappear at some point. So if you feel fear, sadness, anger, fatigue, that's all okay.
- Take yourself each morning to be gentle to yourself and those around you.
- Get out of your head and reconnect with your body. Only then can you listen to your body's signals. Consider your body an ally that tells you what you need. For example, go to sleep on time when you feel tired instead of opening another pack of chips and plopping down in front of the TV.
- Dwell - from a contact with your body - on what you really need and link realistic goals and actions to it. Do this for the different areas of your life that you consider important. Maybe at some point it is more important to maintain your social contacts than to clean your kitchen.
- Evaluate your goals and action items with someone else so that person can point out when they are unrealistic. Learn to set your boundaries.
Finding the way
As a perfectionist, be aware that during this period one of our primary needs is threatened, namely our health. So your focus should be on that. For perfectionists, this is an invitation to get out of their heads, slow down and reconnect with their bodies. To get in touch with what they really need - from authenticity. But there is no one road that leads there. When you find a path that helps you do that and gets you through this period, you are doing just fine.
Know that you are doing well. Know that you are doing enough and know that you are totally okay the way you are. And when your perfectionist little voice demands attention again and tries to tell you that now is the time to start setting all kinds of unrealistic goals then silence that little voice and ask it to take a break.
Are you a perfectionist?
Our research shows that unhealthy perfectionism increases the risk of burnout. Moreover, you can address unhealthy perfectionism and turn it into healthy perfectionism you. This can boost your resilience and thus also greatly reduce the risk of burnout.
Do you doubt whether you suffer from perfectionism? Then be sure to take our perfectionism test and find out if you can take further steps to get your perfectionism under control.