I've noticed that a lot of people with (imminent) burnout value the quality 'taking responsibility' highly. A wonderful quality, but too much of a certain quality makes you tumble straight into your pitfall.
The pitfall of taking responsibility
Taking responsibility is about putting the common good or group interest ahead of one's own. People with a high sense of responsibility are primarily concerned with the goals of the company rather than their own "self. Quite understandably, "sense of responsibility" is often included in the competency requirements of a job posting.
Only, trop is too much, because if you let the organization take precedence over the 'I', then you will eliminate yourself, possibly even sacrifice yourself. People become so focused on the work that they no longer feel their own needs and do not set any limits: everything has to make way for the work.
Often both physically, emotionally and mentally. But it is also not a good thing for the organization. Because employees expect appreciation from the organization in return for their (often unconscious) sacrificial behavior. Only, that appreciation can never be in proportion to their effort (because it is at their own expense!). Sometimes, by the way, this behavior can turn against the employee: sometimes the manager feels threatened by such a responsible and dutiful employee, gets the impression that the other wants to take over. And then, like a bolt from the blue, dismissal often follows. While the employee only had the best interests of the company in mind ...
How then?
I like to use the metaphor of a boat in stormy weather to illustrate this principle. If a boat in a turbulent sea threatens to run aground, one drops anchor. The same applies to human beings: we too will cast anchor in turbulent conditions in search of rest. Only, the question is: Where do you cast your anchor? With yourself? Or with the other person, the organization? Who do you use as your point of reference?
People with a great sense of responsibility often tend to place their anchor with the organization. The cause of this is often to be found in childhood, where - due to circumstances - people have (unconsciously) learned to keep the focus on the environment, so that contact with themselves - and their own limits! - has been diluted. It is also understandable that if you throw out the anchor with the other person, the work can never be good enough, since the reference point lies outside yourself. Here perfectionism often lurks around the corner ...
So the challenge for people who tend to cancel themselves out in function of the organization is: self-love. Self-love is finding yourself important enough to put yourself first and setting boundaries from there.
And how do you do it? 5 tips:
Simple in theory, but often a lot harder to put into practice. For me, these 5 tips work:
- Regularly ask yourself the question, "What do Ineed NOW?
Post-its in strategic places can help you keep this "top of mind. - Be frugal with promises
First check for yourself whether something gives or takes energy. Stop making promises if the effort is greater than what it gives you. - Develop more self-awareness
Career counseling is an approachable way to work on this self-awareness by looking for the answers to questions such as "who am I and who do I want to be?", "what do I think is important?", "what gives me energy?" ... - Develop more body awareness
Be aware of your body - through sports, massages ... - And above all, be gentle with yourself!
Patterns that have managed to ingrain themselves for 40 years usually do not disappear on 1-2-3 ...
Reading Tip:
I myself benefited greatly from the book "The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller.
What about you? Where do you cast your anchor?
Do you want to learn to re-focus on yourself and once again develop more self-awareness?
Are you looking for the answers to questions such as "who am I?" "who do I want to be?", "what do I think is important?", "what gives me energy?", "what professions fit my personality?" ...