I myself did not recognize perfectionism in myself. My house and desk are often a mess and everything certainly doesn't run perfectly. Even within our counseling sessions, we often find that perfectionism is an underlying cause of problems at work or at least contributes to why people get stuck professionally. When I read the book "Zeg me dat ik oké ben" by perfectionism expert Marcel Hendrickx a number of things became clear to me and a lot of recognition came to myself as well.
What is perfectionism and how can we deal with it? We would like to give you some tips here.
How do you recognize perfectionism in yourself? These are the symptoms:
- Affirmative action in relationships or "pleas" with, for example:
- compulsively caring for others
- avoid conflicts
- can't say no
- Having expectations and not expressing them
- difficulty in giving feedback
- I am not important or others are much more important
- Wanting to solve everything themselves or not asking for help
- Unrealistic quality demands on yourself and/or others)
- Low self-esteem or self-confidence, or constantly comparing yourself to people who are doing better than you anyway
- Controllership
- what you do yourself is done better
- need for planning and structure
- to-do lists
- have plan B
- Always thinking and brooding a lot
- Fear of failure
- Procrastination
- Difficulty choosing and deciding
- Too much sense of responsibility
- Keep going, never giving up(to the point of burnout)
Perfectionism in itself is neither good nor bad
Perfectionism is a pattern. We strive for perfection or want to avoid imperfection above all else. There is nothing wrong with striving for perfection in your work as long as it stays with wanting it. So people with perfectionism have high standards. They set high standards for themselves (and others) and have set a high bar. If your demands are so high that they are not really realistic, then perfectionism becomes unhealthy. Unhealthy perfectionism is a limiting pattern that makes you unhappy and/or sick.
How does perfectionism arise?
It originated as a survival mechanism. You have at some point unconsciously received the message that you are not okay, that you need to adapt, that you are not good enough the way you are. Usually this is in your childhood. As a result, you unconsciously start looking for confirmation from outside, and no matter how much confirmation you get, it is never enough to really like yourself.
It is true that everyone gets the message of "You are not okay" at some point in their childhood. However, as long as your free, intuitive part can remain in balance with your good, pleasing part, there is no problem. Then you can set the bar high for yourself and set high goals while still being able to keep your focus and calm and let go without guilt and enjoy the free moments. You can then accept for yourself "This is me with all my positives and negatives and that's okay."
How do you recognize perfectionism at work?
- In the case of an employee
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- You keep reviewing your work because you want it to be perfect and take more time on an assignment than colleagues, you fail to meet your deadlines or work a lot of overtime as a result
- Because you keep checking, you can also take on less other work and appear less competent.
- You want to be a good colleague and therefore also take on more work than you actually have time for because you can't say no.
- You are afraid to express yourself in meetings because you think that what you are going to say is not good enough which also makes your colleagues feel that you are of little value.
- Self-care is not always your priority. You don't take breaks, eat at your desk and often work long hours.
- At an executive
- You may find it difficult to delegate to your employees, and you also struggle to give (negative) feedback.
- You want to control everything so there is a chance of micromanagement.
- You often set the wrong example by working long hours, reading and writing emails at all hours and expecting your colleagues to do the same.
- You set the bar high for yourself and also for your team in terms of detail, quality and work ethic and, as a result, you also have little regard for the work-life balance of your employees.
- You are concerned about your employees/colleagues and, if necessary, even want to "protect" them from feedback and mistakes.
Perfectionism is a choice
Perfectionism is a pattern, a repeated choice made by yourself. As indicated, it started as protection but once it escalates to unhealthy perfectionism it acts as a hindrance. So you can choose to overcome your perfectionism. The good news is that this can be done through coaching. See for yourself which approach works best for you.
- Perfectionism coaching
- Cognitive behavioral therapy
- Psychodynamic or interpersonal therapy
What about you?
Do you want to overcome your perfectionism? Then know that within Travvant we have career coaches who specialize in Perfectionism coaching. If, initially, you mainly want to get to know what perfectionism is and whether further coaching is necessary, then this can also be done through our workshop.